Happy Halloween!

It is impossible to escape Halloween when you have two kids, so in the spirit of "If-you-can't-beat-'em-join-'em," each year at this time we eat way too much candy, carve faces into pumpkins and scare ourselves silly with movies we love.

I love movies that combine horror with sick humor (see my previous post about Leprechaun). My current favorite is Zombieland (see movie clip above), a 2009 release about four eccentric individuals who have to band together for survival after a zombie infestation has left the U.S. looking like a Michael Jackson video.

College student "Columbus" is neurotic and has managed to survive by following a hilarious set of rules, such as "cardio" (stay in shape so you can outrun the zombies), "double tap" (when you shoot a zombie, shoot it a second time just to make sure it's completely dead), "fasten seatbelt" (because you never know when you'll get into an accident driving away from the zombies) and "don't be a hero" (self-explanatory.) He encounters "Tallahassee," a free-living wild man on a quest to eat a Twinkie before the last batches on Earth go bad. They eventually encounter "Wichita" and "Little Rock," two crafty sisters who are bent on survival at all costs and not looking to team up with anyone.

There is some wickedly funny dialogue and situations in this movie, including a hilarious cameo by a celebrity who plays himself. This flick definitely gets your adrenaline up as you are torn between the tension of watching the main characters try to avoid getting eaten and laughing hysterically at the same time.

What scary movies do you like?

Free Straitjacket Friday ... Fun with Leprechauns

Some of my favorite horror movies are the inadvertently funny ones. Leprechaun, a 1993 release, certainly isn't presented as a comedy, but the first time I saw it I laughed so hard I had to check my pants.

It stars a very young Jennifer Aniston, whose character and her dad move into an old home. Unbeknown to them (because in the movies no one ever does a home inspection), the basement contains a VERY angry 600-year-old leprechaun. Said leprechaun, whom I shall call "Lep" for convenience, had his gold stolen back in Ireland. He followed the thief to America to retrieve his stash but the thief managed to lock him into a crate. The only thing that keeps him in this crate is a wee lil' four-leaf clover that repels him.

You still following me? Good. Then young Jennifer meets a local hunk/love interest. Also, there is a cute little brother and another young boy who happens to be kind of slow. The slow kid accidentally releases old Lep and all hell breaks loose!

A whole bunch of stuff happens that I won't detail. Let's just say that Lep goes on a killing and maiming spree to retrieve his gold, whacking people in the knees (because he's short, right?) or worse and crying, "Give me my gold!" My favorite scene is when Jennifer and the hunk, in a pickup truck going top speed, are desperately trying to escape from Lep, who is hotly pursuing them ... on a tricycle.

(Excuse me for a moment while I wipe my tears. Okay, better now.)

I highly recommend that you view Leprechaun, especially to celebrate Halloween or St. Patrick's Day. Sadly I cannot recommend its four sequels, especially the last one, Leprechaun in the Hood. Maybe I'm being nit-picky, but magical mythical creatures and gangstahs are not a palatable combo. Even if the cast includes Ice-T and Coolio.

Give me my gold! I'm going to say that all day today.

Coming to Star Wars America

This is a mash-up of two popular movies. I laughed SO hard!



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Mamma Mia and Movie Mayhem

Okay, this is not really a blog entry about Mamma Mia! The Movie, which (surprise to no one) I loved. It had everything a chick in my demographic group could want, hence the term "chick flick." Meryl Streep looking and sounding fabulous? Check? Hunky Colin Firth wearing open-buttoned shirts? Check? ABBA songs? Check. Romance and happy endings? Well, duh.

The movie didn't change my life and I expect no film award nominations out of this, but who cares? It was fun and feel-good funny. Even when Pierce Brosnan warbled a few songs and I thought my ears would bleed, I still thought it was endearing of him to at least try. When you're eye-candy, a lot can be forgiven.

What I really want to discuss is my crappy luck at the movies lately. I don't like to go around feeling sorry for myself, but it seems as if Mother Karma has been punishing me for some past transgressions by seating the strangest combination of viewers around me during the movies.

It all started a few months ago when my fellow mom-friend Adrienne and I went to see Baby Mama, a flick geared not only toward chicks but chicks who might be moms. (Can marketers read us or what?) Halfway through the movie, the guy behind me begins kicking my seat violently. It wasn't the steady kick-kick-kick of a bored leg; it was the spastic, pre-orgasmic kick that my dog does when you scratch her belly and hit the right itchy spot. So I sit up and turn my head to look at him. That usually does the trick. As I turn around, I can't see too well in the dark but I can make out a young man (the one sitting behind me) swapping spit quite noisily with a young woman. They didn't even notice me looking at them. I don't even think he realized that he kicked my seat.

The kicking stopped for a while, and then spastic-kick happened again. And now I'm getting pretty pissed, so I turn around again to tell him to cut it out, but now they're juicily sucking at each other, moaning, and (I think I saw this in the dark) their hands are moving. At the realization that there is amour going on behind me, I no longer care about having my seat kicked. Now I'm worried about where this will lead. The image of the "hair gel" scene from There's Something About Mary comes to mind and I realize that my hair is fine; I don't need more gel, thank you.

So I whisper the situation to Adrienne and we move to the quieter, non-romantic section of our row, but now while I'm watching the movie, I'm also distracted, thinking: Who goes to a chick-flick to grope, especially one involving a pregnant woman and an eventual labor scene? And why go to a normal-length movie for that purpose when there are much longer movies playing at this multiplex? Is this a very expensive movie, or a very cheap hotel room? So many unanswered questions ...

Then, a few weeks ago, I took my 11-year-old son to see Hellboy 2: The Golden Army. It's rated PG-13 but I agreed to take Mr. Pubescent Rocker because:

1. I love Hellboy.
2. Mr. PR is very mature for his age.
3. I love Hellboy.

Right before the previews begin, a man and two little boys, one who appeared to be a preschooler and the other not much older, sit down directly behind us.

Okay, I know I will never win Mother of the Year, so I try not to judge other people's parenting standards, but WHO TAKES A PRESCHOOLER TO A MOVIE CALLED "HELLBOY 2?" Is it just me, people? There are blades in this movie. People being eaten. Impending Armageddon. Smoking. An unmarried pregnant woman! All the things that make movies fun for those WHO ARE NOT PRESCHOOLERS! Even my Mr. PR, who fancies himself quite the superhero buff, had to cover his eyes during certain suspenseful scenes. I had to concentrate really hard on the movie to block out the thought of the kid behind me, which was extra challenging because he kept asking his dad what was going on in the movie.

Finally, at Mamma Mia the other night, Adrienne and I got there fairly early and got good seats, which was lucky because it was evident that the place was going to fill up. Just as we were congratulating ourselves on selecting a movie that appeared to be attracting sensible middle-aged women such as ourselves instead of horny sex fiends, two women sat down next to us. With a baby.

Oh, Mother Karma, what did I do? I have not flipped off any bad drivers lately, nor have I giggled over anyone's small vocabulary. There was that time my husband and I giggled over some guy's sad comb-over, but we did it quietly. So why?

I decided to be gracious about it. After all, I had babies once and I understand. I smiled at one of the women, moved over one seat and said, "I'll just move over so you'll have more room." She started to apologize but I assured her that it was fine. It seemed to be working out beautifully.

Then a minute later, as all seats filled, a very large man came through our row, plopped down next to me and started to take over my armrest.

I have this thing about armrests. It has been my observation that men are accustomed to taking armrests away from women. It happens on planes, it happens in stadiums, it happens in movie theaters. And one of my life's goals is to end this whenever the opportunity arises. So I firmly stuck my arm on my half of the armrest while he stuck his arm on his half. I would have kept my arm there the entire movie, if not for the fact that I didn't really want to be touching arms with him for nearly two hours, and my realisation that this was probably a guy who was dragged to watch a chick-flick and then couldn't even sit with his party; he had to sit between a woman with a baby and some aggressive chick who wouldn't even let him have a whole armrest for himself. So, out of pity, I gave him the armrest. Damn, these men are good.

In the end, it worked out fine. The baby was quiet through the whole movie and the large man didn't lean into my space or have B.O. I felt ashamed of my neurotic premature assumptions. Whatever I have done in the past to deserve my weird movie pals, perhaps I have learned my lesson. We shall see when I next go to the movies.

Hellboy 2: The Golden Army

Yay! Hellboy 2: The Golden Army is awesome, suspenseful and lots of fun.

I had mentioned in an earlier blog my anticipation for this film and my apprehension that it would be one of those sequels that fall flat compared to the first film. Thank goodness my worries are unfounded. Now the Earth can continue spinning on its axis.

I won't bore you with a detailed plot since you already know it if you're a Hellboy fan. For you swing voters, the basic tale is that an other-worldly prince, exiled by his father the king during ancient times, seeks the final piece of a golden crown that will unleash a powerful, unstoppable Golden Army. Once unleashed, this army will help the prince annihilate humankind, with whom his father had declared a truce eons ago. So it's up to Hellboy and his gang from the Bureau of Paranormal Research and Development to figure out how to stop him.

Hellboy still has a bad temper and a fondness for cigars. Abe Sapien is still fishy and smart, but he gets to fall in love this time. Liz Sherman still has a bickering love affair going on with Hellboy, but this time she's carrying a little surprise inside her. Oh, there's also a Barry Manilow song included here. I won't give it away.

As with the first Hellboy movie, the visual effects are stunning, the action will be keep you transfixed and -- Hold me closer, Tiny Dancer -- the monsters! If you're a fan of director Guillermo del Toro's Pan's Labyrinth, you know what the man can do with monsters. Hellboy 2 introduces the Angel of Death and the Gatekeeper, both played by the rubbery Doug Jones, who also portrays Abe Sapien.

Also impressive are a swarm of computer-generated Tooth Fairies, who are way more sinister than they sound, and an underground Troll Market that reminded my son of all the Chinatowns he's seen (and he's seen a few).

If you like well-written, well-acted and beautifully filmed action films, this is one to see.

Sex and Demons

Yes, in that order! The rainy weather here has forced me indoors to partake of one of my favorite indoor activities: movies. Recently I joined the many other American women in my demographic group and went to see Sex and the City, which I loved, loved, loved. (Did I say "love" enough times?) It was romantic, sad and funny. I liked the script and the chemistry between the characters. Mr. Big was big-screen handsome. And the shoes and clothes! The bird in Sarah Jessica Parker's head! How about those bridal gowns? The Carolina Herrera version alone was enough to make me want to remarry.

And here is the embarassing confession: I had never seen this show. Not one episode, despite all the praise my friends have heaped upon it and all the media articles that have covered it throughout the years. Yes, I have been living under a rock. I'm not much of a chick-flick kind of gal, but now I may have to Netflix a few seasons' worth of SATC.

To counteract all the visual estrogen, recently I also rented Hellboy, Guillermo del Toro's 2004 film based on the comic strip about an angst-ridden demon conjured up by the Nazis who is rescued as an infant and adopted by a loving paranormal researcher. With his unusual strength, Hellboy grows up to defend mankind against the forces of darkness but is constantly at odds with the fact that he is a demon. He is also in love with a woman who is plagued by unwanted powers of her own.

This is a funny, suspenseful and beautifully shot film. I watched it a few years ago but wanted to get in a more recent viewing before the July release of its sequel, Hellboy 2: The Golden Army. I have high expectations for the sequel and I'm very nervous about that. You know how sequels can be. I'm very excited to see it, even if the sun eventually makes an appearance for the summer.