I Can Stop Anytime I Want

I don't smoke or drink (much). Just a clean-livin' gal, I am. Here, let me show you my halo. I try to exercise, eat my fiber and get enough rest. However, hell hath no fury as me on a trying day without a Diet Dr. Pepper.

No intervention or 12-step programs exist for Dr. Pepper addicts. There are no Nancy Reagans or school DARE programs advising us to "Just Say No" to its delightful nectar. No matter, because to beat your addiction you must first admit that you are addicted, and I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE. I can ignore the sounds of its sweet, peppery, and cold effervescence calling out to me. Really. On a hot afternoon when my brain is shutting down and my kids ask, again, why we can't buy another Slip 'N Slide, I don't really need its caffeine to keep my head from exploding. Honest.

When I was in college (before I learned to drink coffee), I drank a lot of Jolt Cola. Its marketing slogan back in the day was "All the Sugar and Double the Caffeine," which was good enough for me. One evening, after I had a downed a few cans of this delicacy, I attended a student meeting and was distracting by a constant tap-tap-tapping sound. It turned out that the sound was my fingers involuntarily tapping on the wood-laminate table. Perhaps they were sending out a Morse-Code cry for help or simply trying to get away from me. After that, I limited myself to one can a day.

Jolt is now called Jolt Energy and is heavily marketed on college campuses, as Jolt Cola was back then. Apparently they do not consider sophisticated, experienced, slightly insane middle-aged moms (such as, I don't know, yours truly?) to be a profitable demographic.

No matter. I have my Dr. Pepper. But I can stop anytime I want.