Thursday, November 13, 2008

More Deep Thoughts ...

... about my butt.

Last night I took my kids to Bingo Night at school and, for nearly two hours, we sat on these hard plastic seats. They're round, attached to the long folding cafeteria tables and were obviously designed for tiny little butts that can't sit still for very long. When I got home, my rear end let me know what it thought about those seats by sending little messages of pain throughout my back.

I can't help it if I have no padding on my butt and, believe me, that this is not a good thing. You'd think that all those glutes and lunges I do in my workout class would add some curvy muscle to it, but noooo ... it just gets flatter. My butt is so flat it's nearly concave. My butt is so flat it's the stomach I've always wanted. My butt is so flat I could wear my jeans backwards. My butt is so flat Christopher Columbus would have fallen off the edge.

And yet there is jiggle. I'm not sure what's jiggling back there when there is no padding. It's the ultimate cruelty, kind of like telling a flat-chested woman that she still needs to wear a bra.

As a farewell thought, here's Maxine:

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